Species: Bird
Ability to Fly: Yes, but not during inclement weather
Life Span: Can die at birth or live longer but could also die at any time
Breeding: Yes
Temperament: CartoonishThe Woodpecker is widely known for its ability to peck wood. Indeed, deforestation has two culprits: Humans and Woodpeckers. Since the rise in fame of Woody the Woodpecker, many woodpeckers have pursued their own piece of the spotlight, many mistakenly taking the route of Reality TV, where they have swapped fame for personal dignity.

Wood peckers eat bugs.

Photo courtesy: How Stuff Works


Black Mamba

Phylum: Chordata
Class: Reptilia
Nickname: Shadow of Death
Favorite Pastime: Basketball

The fastest snake in the Milky Way, the Black Mamba can travel up to 20 km/hr downhill in ideal running conditions. Unlike most snakes, the Black Mamba has no legs or arms.

During the highly public Kobe Bryant sexual assualt trial in the mid-2000s, the Black Mamba tried to distance itself from the superstar athlete, but to no avail. Kobe's nickname stuck and has been a scourge on the Mamba ever since.

Its highly lethal venom can lead to severe abdominal pain, shock and even paralysis. If you have been bitten by a black mamba, please leave this site immediately and seek real medical attention. You shouldn't be googling it at a time like this you fool.


Chinese Mosquito

______________________________________________________________________Fast Facts

Name: China Mosquito
Life Span: 14 Minutes
Blood Type: O Negative
Habitat: Diverse

The mosquito is consistently ranked as a the most hated insect on earth - this is representative of its dietary preferences, which comprise other creature's blood, and consistently mismanaged public relations efforts. Mosquito's are unusally social insects known for their exceptionally dry senses of humor.

In China, the mosquito's once explosive population growth has plateauted due to consistent government breeding regulation. Mosquito's and bats have a symbiotic relationship in the country - mosquitos eat bat blood, and then bats eat mosquitos.


Tasmanian Devil


Name: Deviled Tasmanimous
Appetite: Healthy
Appendages: 4
Spiritual Persuasion: Satanic

Photo Courtesy Discovery
Like other marsupials, when Tasmanian Devils are well fed, their tails swell with stored fat. The devils are solitary and nocturnal, spending their days alone in hollow logs, caves, or burrows, and emerging at night to chat on the Internet. Devils forage for berries and are extremely fickle eaters (FUN FACT!) devils are known to prefer their steak cooked medium rare.

Devils were once hunted for anniversary presents and because they are surly, but shifts in Australian social customs have reduced demand.


Marine Iguana

Fast Facts

Common Name: Maritime Iguana
Class: Sauropsida
Location: Galapagos Islands
Temperament: Seaworthy
Diet: Common Algae

Photo Courtesy Davidson
Marine Iguanas frequently sneeze to expel excess salt near their glands -- it has a tendency to build up! (FUN FACT!) Often, locals hunt iguana to harvest the salt off their faces and then use it to make margaritas for tourists.

Scientists currently classify Marine Iguanas as "threatened." However, those who know marine iguanas best know that they do most of the threatening.


Albino Squirrel

Fast facts

Order: Rodentia
Family: Sciuridae
Diet: Peanut M&Ms
Disposition: Melancholic
Status: Threatened

Photo Coutesy: RL Photo
Recent national efforts to reduce landfill trash is threatening the habitat of the Albino Squirrel, long heralded as an ambassador of peace since the early 14th century when (FUN FACT!) Native American populations would release a white squirrel to signal surrender on the battlefield.

Although less noticeable because of its white fur, the albino squirrel generally has similar problems with dandruff common among other rodents. Numerous public relations campaigns have tried to emphasize the dangers of a dry scalp, but they have -- as of yet -- had a minimal effect.

Due to poor eyesight many albino squirrels have mistakenly adopted rabbits into their colonies. (FUN FACT!) According to legend in some parts of Minnesota albino squirrels have replaced bunnies as the symbol of Easter. Also worth noting is the use of the albino squirrel as currency in Northern Canada.